Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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