can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
