OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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