Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't like sucking hair
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
