Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
