one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
