We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
