Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
