There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
