I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
