So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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