So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cat gives me a boner
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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