Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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