I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
