Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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