Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
