it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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