And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What a dumb baby whore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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