last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
