I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
