AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
