Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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