the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
