You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
