Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
