Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
