i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
