You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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