somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
