Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
