I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
