at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
