Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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