Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
