Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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