the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sobbing to NWA
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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