I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
