1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
