Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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