Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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