you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
