Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
