There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
