Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sarcasm needs its own font
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize