If that was your dad, he is hot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
