dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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