Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
