Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
