i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
honey bunches of taint.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pooping to opera.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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