Your dad touched me again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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